Five Years Ago Today


The photo of Shasta on the cover of the October 2006 issue of Dog World magazine was taken at an agility trial we competed in together in Westfield, MA on June 12, 2005. I love the look on Shasta's face as he watches me for direction on where to go next. I can't believe it was 5 years ago, it feels like just yesterday. I still can't comprehend that Shasta is gone.

I recently read a short poem that expresses many of my feelings, it is titled, "I Only Wanted You".

I ONLY WANTED YOU

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I’d walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

(Anonymous)

The nest is empty, the weeds have returned

The Robins have grown and left the nest. Only a few blue egg shell fragments remain. Somewhere a tired momma bird is resting. She has time to catch her breath after searching for enough bugs and worms to feed just herself today.

The garden weeds have grown back already, even the forsythia needs to be trimmed again. It takes so much effort for me to do even a little yard work right now. Monroe waits patiently, she is such a sweet girl.

My heart is still heavy. This is were things become more lonely for me in many ways. It has been four weeks since Shasta left and I feel the expectation from others that I need to start moving on. But I can't. The sharp pain in my chest is still so fresh, the emptiness in my heart and the power of my sadness still too strong to escape. I am lost in time with Shasta, not able to accept that he is part of the past now. I am still so numb, yet all around me people continue on with their lives. The growing weeds force me to see that time is moving forward, even though I struggle against it.

Monroe spends some her time wondering in the yard by herself. Some days she seems independent and fine, other days she whines a lot. I try and comfort her, sometimes it helps. But like me, sometimes she can't be comforted. We are alone now, there is no changing that.

I ordered two links for my agility bracelet a couple weeks ago. They came in the mail today, just in time for my birthday. The links were for Shasta's AKC agility excellent (AX, AXJ) and master level (MX, MXJ) titles. Most of Shasta's agility titles are on the bracelet now, the MX title was the most challenging for us to earn. Many, many NQ's before we earned the needed 10 Q's for the MX. Shasta and I ran a lot of courses together to earn his MX title.

A lot of good memories wrapped around my wrist.

Looking at pictures and old videos, remembering good times.....

Feeling Two Blue Again
The past few weeks have been very full and we are all tired. We haven't celebrated Easter yet due to a family emergency. We hope to play hide the eggs soon, though. I can't wait for Christopher's reaction to the giant toy filled paper mache eggs.

All is well now and we are readjusting back to normal again. Before all of that though, Shasta had another wonderful weekend at an agility trial in Schenectady, NY. I didn't want to miss sharing his amazing teamwork on the course, I was so proud of him. Our first day at the trial was filled with handler errors and we did not qualify in either of our runs. Shasta continued to do his best and on the second day I got my act together and our teamwork was seamless, we had 2 beautiful runs. I am tempted to celebrate Shasta style, though, and take a long afternoon nap.

Beautiful in Blue

In agility, some days are diamonds, and some days are stones. For the humans anyhow. The dogs seem happy all of the time!! I guess that's why I keep coming back for more. Shasta had a great day yesterday at the AKC trial in Amherst, NH. Doesn't he look great in blue?!!

Getting ready for Christmas

Well, I actually bought yarn to knit a sweater for my daughter for Christmas. It has been a while since I bought yarn for a project instead of spinning it. I am feeling a little spoiled. But when the Winter 2006 issue of Interweave Knits came in the mail earlier this month and I saw the Equestrian Blazer by Kate Gilbert on p.26, I immediately thought it would be a beautiful gift for my daughter, Teresa. She told me she would like a sweater that doesn't fit 'like a box'. This pattern uses short rows and paired increases and decreases to give a nice feminine shape to the sweater. I wanted to make it in time for the holidays (this year!), and, well, I can't possibly spin enough yarn and knit the sweater in just a few short weeks (and still sleep and eat and do all that other necessary stuff that uses up so much of my fiber time!). I chose Jamieson's Soft Shetland (the Rowan Scottish Tweed Aran that the pattern calls for was a bit beyond my budget, though it is quite wonderful!). The Shetland is nice too, and I like the color, # 1330 Wilkinson. It is a pretty purplish tweed, not quite as blue as it looks in the photo above. I have been knitting for a couple weeks and finished up today. I am blocking the finished pieces on towels on the dinning room table and hope to have the sweater complete by next week.

This photograph makes the yarn look a little more purple than it is in real life. After Christmas, I will photograph my daughter outside in natural lighting wearing the sweater. Hopefully that will better show the true yarn color.


My next holdiay project will be a knitted turtle puppet for my grandson, Christopher, who is 2 years old. Teresa and I thought it would be fun to write a short children's story about the adventures of Topher Turtle, a character that likes the same things Christopher likes. A knit puppet will be a fun gift to go with the book, once it is complete.


Christopher is allergic to wool, so I will make the puppet out of cotton yarn which I purchased yesterday. I also picked up a copy of Vivian Hoxbro's Domino Knitting. I plan to make a turtle shell fashioned after Vivian's Potholder #4 using the light and dark green yarn shown here. The shell will then be attached to a green knit puppet. I will see Teresa this weekend and we can finalize some of the details for this project.


I also ordered a T-shirt for Christopher for Christmas. My wonderful German Shepherd, Shasta, was on the cover of the October 2006 issue of Dog World magazine.

I am having the magazine cover printed onto a T-shirt for Christopher. I am also having the picture of my German Shepherd, Monroe, that I posted earlier herding sheep, put on a T-shirt for Christopher. Christopher loves the dogs and I think he will like having T-shirts with their pictures on them. I might order a T-shirt for me, too. After all, how often will my dog get to be on the cover of a national magazine?