Thursday, August 12, 2010

Never Wanting to Forget

The magic of having Shasta in my life was more than I ever dreamed possible. He made me feel loved, and I will always love him with a part of my heart that I can give to no one else. For over 10 years I awoke nearly everyday to Shasta and enjoyed his company as my closest companion for the rest of the day. What a wonderful thing that was.

I miss so many things now that he is gone. I miss the way his whiskers felt on my face in the morning, his tender kisses and the sound of his tail thumping against the wall near my bed. I miss his excitement for the start of the day once he was successful in getting me out of bed, the way he bounded down the hallway ahead of me and how that excitement for the start of the day continued on into everything he did until it was time to go to bed again at night. I miss touching him, the puppy soft fur of his ears and the feel of hugging him with the that dense coat of fur around his neck against my neck. I even liked wearing his shed fur on my clothes as odd as that may sound, I loved everything about him. I loved laughing with him, playing fetch or tug or running an agility course together or working a trail with him watching in awe as he did his scent work. I miss his silliness, running around with him, watching him run around after I could no longer keep up. I miss the way he chased the geese at the park, that big bark he had once they were all in the air that told them if they came back he'd chase them away again. And I miss the look in his eyes when they met mine. That I miss with an ache I do not know how to express. I chose a photo for his memorial plaque that reminds me of that feeling of his eyes looking at me. I never want to forget that feeling.

As time moves forward Shasta's physical presence is becoming more distant for me. It is a weakness we have as humans, time begins to erase things in our minds even when we don't want to forget them. I know I will never forget my dear Shasta, but I have to accept that time moves forward. I want to always remember that powerful feeling of love I felt when looking into Shasta's eyes everyday. I want to remember, too, his important message to me: enjoy the moment. Life isn't a dress rehearsal, we must live in the moment that we have right now, because once that moment is gone, it isn't coming back.

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