Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Art took me to the garden store Sunday and we bought a flowering dogwood tree for Shasta. Art planted it in the front yard. It has two small flowers on it now; at this time next year it should bloom with many more.

I miss Shasta more that I have words to describe. He was such a big part of me. I don't want to forget what it felt like to touch him or to receive one of his tender kisses. I want to remember everything about him. His scent is still on his favorite stuffed toy, I hold it close so Shasta doesn't feel so far away. My heart aches, I don't know what to do.

I loved the way Shasta greeted every morning with joy. He would do this bucking bouncing thing down the hallway ahead of me in celebration of the start of a new day. He would look over his shoulder a few times on the way to be sure I was coming along behind him. My mornings are now filled with quiet. I never knew how sad quiet could be.

When Shasta was a puppy I found this little wooden Kokopeli dancing along with his dog. I put it over the front door to celebrate all the joy that came into my life every time Shasta and I went through this doorway together. Oh how I want to go back and re-live it all again. Without Shasta I have completely lost my way, and I have no desire to go find a new direction.
I did smile a little today when I made myself a cup of tea and read the little note on the string of the tea bag. It is the motto that Shasta lived by.

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